Sometimes when I am struggling with something, I tell Jeff that "I am not looking for you to solve my problem, I don't necessarily want advice...I just need to talk." That is what this is...a very candid look into what I am feeling.
I miss my house. I want to go home. But I have no house. I miss my cat. This apartment is not mine. It isn't how I would decorate it. Living in community is taxing...but good...but constant. The future looks daunting. Seriously, I have move to a culture and language that I dont' know?! I miss my normal. I miss friends. I don't want to have to walk outside to to laundry, let alone share the washer and dryer with others. Growing is hard. I want to coast through my day without having to learn.
What I don't miss is the opportunity I have here to learn what reliance on Christ looks like....starting to grasp what Paul meant when he said that in his weakness there was strength. I don't miss the opportunity that I have here to learn that the point at which I feel like 'I don't have the strength to do this' THAT point is exactly where I need to be, where God wants me to be...because it is then that God shines and is glorified through my reliance on Him and Him alone.