Monday, October 19, 2015

Waffles, True Confessions, and Suspicious Substances

I'm honestly not even sure where to begin. I suppose I will say up front that this is some what of a confession. This is real life. REAL life.

It started out innocently. Noah and I were going to make homemade berry waffles. It was all 'pinteresty and best mom ever-ish'; not to mention, we were incorporating measurement and fractions—which of course makes me the best homeschool mom EVER.

Keep in mind, we don't make waffles often. Noah pulled the waffle maker from the cabinet and when I open up the lid there was a 'suspicious poo-like substance' in the corner of the waffle maker. So, I plug it in and soap it down figuring that the heat plus soap will clean it sufficiently. Which it does [that is what I am telling myself]. I pour the berry waffle batter generously onto the hot waffle iron completely forgetting to grease the surface. Oh, well...too late...we'll hope for the best.

Oh, but wait...this is me we're talking about. I make ruining food an art form.

By now, it is like 200 degrees in my kitchen. The kitchen timer is screaming at me. There is someone at the front door to whom I need to speak with on behalf of my husband who is at work AND the first batch of waffles look like this:
Halfway through the scraping. *YES*, I paused to take
a picture because I knew I'd need to find the humor in this.

I return from addressing the visitor at the front door and start scraping the waffle mess off the hot waffle iron since I still had a whole bowl of batter left to cook. I am literally flinging waffle bits everywhere. I somehow ended up with a piping hot berry between my toes on my flip-flops which I fling off in the kitchen. I am now sweating profusely and my temper is sparked. (This is the confession part.) I get angry and yell at all three of my kids separately but in a span of 5 minutes. I am determined to cook these waffles. I will not be defeated by waffle batter and sweat! After I have adequately removed the chunks of waffle mess from the waffle iron, I take a stick of butter and rub it all over the waffle iron. Then, I fill the next four slice slots with the batter. While these are cooking, I take the opportunity to apologize to each of my children. I remind them that I, too, have a sinful heart and need Jesus' forgiveness. One of them points out how I tend to 'lose it' when Jeff isn't home. Yes, I husband helps 'keep me in check.' I gave them permission to respectfully point out my need to pray for self-control over my anger in those moments.

With peace restored, I return to the kitchen and remove four beautiful waffles. 

HOORAY! I pour the last four onto the iron thinking that all this work for eight edible waffles was not worth it. [I know 'clean' eating is in...but I'll take preservative-filled Eggo waffles anytime!] While this last batch of waffles are cooking, for whatever reason, I decide to look inside the cabinet where the waffle iron was stored to see if I can discover what may have made the 'suspicious substance' in this wretched kitchen gadget.

I was utterly disgusted and [vomitted in my mouth a little] when I saw this:

Perhaps by now, I should be accustomed to insects; however, cockroaches are just different. I reminded myself that I had cleaned the waffle iron well before cooking AND we have stomach acid for a reason.

There. That is it. That is my real life story from today. Sinful people need Jesus**. Moms need to apologize too. Cockroaches don't belong anywhere. Eggo-Brand Waffles may not be 'clean' but they are delicious and easy.

By the way, Noah thoroughly enjoyed eating the first botched batch of waffles. I froze the intact waffles and will insist he savors each and every bite of those eight waffles.

**My kids just memorized the verse Romans 3:23 which says "ALL have sinned and fall short of God's Glorious Standard.  So glad I could provide a real life object lesson!**